Wandering Heart

Years ago I packed my suitcase full of hopes and dreams And full of clothes and things I set out to see the world ahead Along the way I temporarily settled here and briefly stayed there Sometimes my hopes got left behind Regrets were added to the bag, mistakes And delusions replaced my dreams All the while I still had clothes and things Life once took me to an interesting place Where I dropped and lost my suitcase When I found it everything was broken and tattered I left it there, thinking none of it mattered After that, I tried going around without anything Sometimes revisiting places I'd once already seen I found that while being free was easy It felt empty So I went back and got that tattered suitcase I emptied the garbage Deciding to add things of worth What had all this wandering given me? I placed in it the people I've known and places I've been The experiences and lessons given And maybe in the future, if our pat...

There I stood with two who did not push or pry And I thought, "This feels just right." There I stood under the downpour of falling water And I felt free and full of energetic existence There I walked with Words of Truth being spoken And I was encouraged in my spirit There I spun  And I felt alive There I danced And I was unhindered There I laughed And I shared joy There I sat in front of a rainbow decorated waterfall And I wept from beauty while  receiving love from the Most Beautiful There I knelt before a crystallized patterned half-frozen lake And I could only worship the Majestic One There I sat surrounded by mountains of splendor w hen the road could not be traveled And I could only surrender to our Creator In that surrender was the years' disorienting thoughts And all my hopes and dreams, all my fears and failures In that kneeling was the acknowledgement of my finitude And the conceding of my perceived e...

Endings make me feel alive! Putting in my two weeks is one of my favorite things. Perhaps, I just haven't had the right job but I thrive off the thrill of ending them. Packing up all my life into a car and driving away is exhilarating!  Something new is on the horizon and I get to go and experience it! When the cold, icy, cloudy winters end and the blue, warm, sunny skies arrive my being can breathe and the earth lives again. Even simple things like finishing a class, a book, a paper, make me feel accomplished. These small chapters in my story bring me happiness, joy, a sense of completeness, warmth and make me feel extraordinarily alive! I feel it deep within my heart. But endings make me feel alive. Cutting ties at a job where the people have become a team and support each other is sad. Driving away seeing my nephew innocently waive good-bye through the rear-view mirror brings tears to my eyes and it hurts. Even the sunny, blue skies end and the cold winter comes as the...

A thousand reflections at night glisten off the towering glassy skyscrapers And I am once again enchanted by this twinkling city By all the hope and potential that lies within And even after the light has scattered this enamoring feeling lingers  From a distance the thousand splitting reflections lie unseen But the subtle light outlines the buildings against the black night The solitude of a city of millions lies within And in this silence is a solicitude that begins to emanate   Strange what light against a blackened sky can bring Even the faint glows even the striking beams The palatable prospect in the encompassing darkness  And the warm affection of lives in the dead of night  I am left with these genuine reflections deep within my being On an evening when hollowness should stand-out In a night when harsh shadows should bear-down And even when the soft dawning approaches these lights against the night enrapture me

It was a Friday and the weeks' thoughts were lost in my head. My mind was fuzzy from the 3:30 am call to wake up. The buzz in the air from the freedom of the weekend wasn't even enough to cut through the haziness I felt. I opened my mouth to express my thoughts but the fog choked out the words. So, I just stayed silent. When the silence built upon the silence a heaviness took over, one that began to choke out my heart. So, I just stayed numb. Have you ever tried moving through with fragmented splitting thoughts lost the minute they began and a numbing heart that begins to block out the feeling? Have you ever wondered what it means to be human in that state? The shell of you moves forward. It's not that it is not you Or that it is a fake you It's just the only part of you you're able to give. This only part then feels guilty for not being more Not being more alive Not being more connected Not being more to the lives around it Not expressing more de...

Everyday life is pretty dull.  At least for me, maybe you too.  I get up, go to class, go to work, fit homework in there somewhere, and if I'm lucky some time with friends; always dreaming of something more exciting, adventurous, more meaningful.  More days of my life are shaded with grey than colored with vibrant reds, oranges, purples, blues, greens, and yellows (yes, I wanted to list them all off).  But are they really? You can define mundane as dull but you can also contrast it with the heavenly, spiritual; therefore, it's of this earth.  (At least that's what google tells me.) A professor here at school said something along the lines of learning to see God and know Him more by the cracks of the sidewalk, the street, etc.  I thought, "What the heck is that supposed to mean?" I hope to spend the rest of my life discovering it!  For now, I think he was challenging us to see God in the everyday occurrences. (Don't worry I'll connect all these la...

Chicago, you wear on my salt frosted boots   Your buildings towering above with people And people And people Always the people The cold and the icy But the people They're raw, frozen people And the noise The constant infiltrating noise Noise of the busy Noise of the hustling Noise, Noise, Noise Always the noise No clearing No escape No room to breathe To think  To listen To be still The People The Noise The Suffocation Oh, Chicago, how you wear on my salt frosted boots

Really, new, a new you, a new me just because the calendar went up one number because the seconds keep steadily ticking by.  I'm not buying it... When that clock changed, I'm not sure about you but I know nothing about me was different.  I know, I know, I'm being a little cynical here (or just realistic).  The phrase comes from people deciding to make better life choices, and I'm all for that, I even have my own.  But let's not fool ourselves, we're still the same people we were last year.  We're not magically going to be better, so in light of that what will we decide to do (especially if we wish to accomplish those resolutions)?   I'm sat here in my apartment dimly lit by sparkling lights while outside the first snow (I've experienced) of this year in Chicago falls.  Lana Del Rey is softly playing to me in the background. The new semester and beginning of my senior year is ahead of me.  Many of my friends are starting to fill the once e...