Knowing Everything
I recently finished a clever, concise book called Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman. As the title suggests, it is a book about books. More than that though, it is a book about Fadiman's life experiences intertwined with love of books and reading. Many times within the stories, I found myself wishing I had read more books and wishing I knew more.
My manager recently mentioned a man (whose name I do not remember) who read every book in an entire library. And I found myself wishing I had read more books and knew more.
At least half of my recent watch list on Netflix consists of informational shows on design, algorithms, and weird wonders of the world. And I find myself wishing I knew more.
In conversation, if I do not think I have anything worthwhile to add, I often remain silent. And I find myself wishing I had the right words and had greater knowledge to draw from and bring to the interaction.
I often have a superiority complex and feel more affirmed as a person if I know I am the smartest one in the room. Conversely, I often have an inferiority complex and feel insecurity in myself and in my competence if I know someone is smarter than me. And I find myself wishing I knew everything.
If you have not gathered already, I place a strong value upon learning and upon knowledge.
A dear friend and I were recently talking. She is soon to be moving across the ocean to Europe! We were talking of places we wish we could go and the desire to be in more than one place at the same time and fully experience both. My brain did one of its odd simultaneously-moving-and-branching-train-of-thought-cars. (On days I'm tired, my expressions and my speech often stop because it's harder to find a pathway to choose and verbalize.) I thought of how amazing that would be! I also wondered if it would cheapen the experience as convenience and instantaneousness can sometimes do. I wanted to explore that pathway but was currently naming specific places I would choose to be.
She then continued to explain how this is a characteristic of God, omnipresence, that He has chosen not to give to us. We are not to reflect nor can we reflect His omnipresence. Another train car split. I acknowledged I do this too, I desire a characteristic reserved only for God. But then another one split-off and I realized I do this with knowledge. I wish myself to be omniscient. I wish for the ability to know everything there is to know. I think I verbalized this but I was a bit tired that day so I'm not quite sure if it was made into intelligible sound expressions or remained as synapses in my brain.
Is this not how Lucifer (aka Satan) fell, by his desire to be exactly like God in a way he was not created to be? This is a sobering and somber realization. I must acknowledge this prideful tendency and turn from it and humbly recognize my finitude.
Yet, in it there is comfort. God is all-knowing. What I am uncertain of, He is certain. What I do not understand, He fully grasps. What I cannot comprehend or cannot discern or cannot know, He undoubtedly KNOWS ALL. In this, rather, in Him I can trust and I can rest. He is all-knowing and I do not have to be, I need only trust Him.
My manager recently mentioned a man (whose name I do not remember) who read every book in an entire library. And I found myself wishing I had read more books and knew more.
At least half of my recent watch list on Netflix consists of informational shows on design, algorithms, and weird wonders of the world. And I find myself wishing I knew more.
In conversation, if I do not think I have anything worthwhile to add, I often remain silent. And I find myself wishing I had the right words and had greater knowledge to draw from and bring to the interaction.
I often have a superiority complex and feel more affirmed as a person if I know I am the smartest one in the room. Conversely, I often have an inferiority complex and feel insecurity in myself and in my competence if I know someone is smarter than me. And I find myself wishing I knew everything.
If you have not gathered already, I place a strong value upon learning and upon knowledge.
A dear friend and I were recently talking. She is soon to be moving across the ocean to Europe! We were talking of places we wish we could go and the desire to be in more than one place at the same time and fully experience both. My brain did one of its odd simultaneously-moving-and-branching-train-of-thought-cars. (On days I'm tired, my expressions and my speech often stop because it's harder to find a pathway to choose and verbalize.) I thought of how amazing that would be! I also wondered if it would cheapen the experience as convenience and instantaneousness can sometimes do. I wanted to explore that pathway but was currently naming specific places I would choose to be.
She then continued to explain how this is a characteristic of God, omnipresence, that He has chosen not to give to us. We are not to reflect nor can we reflect His omnipresence. Another train car split. I acknowledged I do this too, I desire a characteristic reserved only for God. But then another one split-off and I realized I do this with knowledge. I wish myself to be omniscient. I wish for the ability to know everything there is to know. I think I verbalized this but I was a bit tired that day so I'm not quite sure if it was made into intelligible sound expressions or remained as synapses in my brain.
Is this not how Lucifer (aka Satan) fell, by his desire to be exactly like God in a way he was not created to be? This is a sobering and somber realization. I must acknowledge this prideful tendency and turn from it and humbly recognize my finitude.
Yet, in it there is comfort. God is all-knowing. What I am uncertain of, He is certain. What I do not understand, He fully grasps. What I cannot comprehend or cannot discern or cannot know, He undoubtedly KNOWS ALL. In this, rather, in Him I can trust and I can rest. He is all-knowing and I do not have to be, I need only trust Him.
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