It Was A Friday

It was a Friday and the weeks' thoughts were lost in my head.
My mind was fuzzy from the 3:30 am call to wake up.
The buzz in the air from the freedom of the weekend wasn't even enough to cut through the haziness I felt.
I opened my mouth to express my thoughts but the fog choked out the words.
So, I just stayed silent.
When the silence built upon the silence a heaviness took over, one that began to choke out my heart.
So, I just stayed numb.

Have you ever tried moving through with fragmented splitting thoughts lost the minute they began and a numbing heart that begins to block out the feeling?
Have you ever wondered what it means to be human in that state?
The shell of you moves forward.
It's not that it is not you
Or that it is a fake you
It's just the only part of you you're able to give.

This only part then feels guilty for not being more
Not being more alive
Not being more connected
Not being more to the lives around it
Not expressing more depth
And not giving more love

This fragmented fragment begins to fraction from this shame and the person that was a shell that's now only fragments shatters.
Ever wondered how those shatters become one whole again?
Ever wondered how to express those million shattered pieces with a hazy mind and broken heart?
I have.
And the words were lost.
So, I just stayed silent.
It was a Friday and the years' worth of thoughts were lost in my head.

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